How to Know if You’ve Been Bitten By a Vampire

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No, really: this was a recent search phrase on the Stats page.

And it was love at first bite…sorry, sight. I mean — we have so many questions. How could one not know? Who needs to know the answer to this burning question? And would we be stupid to invite the questioner in?

It is honestly such a fun idea that we decided to get our team on the hunt for signs you’ve been bitten by a vampire. Here’s everything you need to know — and hey…be careful out there.

Sunshine is Downright Scary

It’s no secret that vampires don’t like direct sunlight. If you’re crisping up just going outside to get the mail, lore has it you may be the victim of something far more permanent than UV ray damage.

You’ve Deleted That Italian Place from Your DoorDash

No garlic for you! Finding garlic burns your skin now instead of your esophagus? Check your neck, boo.

Your Dreams Are Getting…Weird

If you’re having some gory dreams, make sure you haven’t invited a very hot but very weird stranger into your home recently. The succubus (female), incubus (male) and vampire are all related to night visits.

You Order Your Steak Extra (Extra, Extra) Rare

If your preference for meats — and perhaps a sudden taste for insects — is bloody disgusting to others, you could be a victim of a vamp, according to lore.

Your Grin Sends People Running

Biting your own lip, drawing blood…and liking it? Check thoseĀ  choppers. Legend says canines grow out of control once you’ve been bitten by a creature of the night.

Vampire Movies Look Stupid

Glittering vampires and even much-loved Hammer films are suddenly looking unrealistic. (Because after all…they were super-realistic before.) Perhaps you have inner knowledge of what the REAL vamp deal is.

That Little Mosquito Problem is Solved

Mosquitos like living blood. ‘Nuff said.


Who she??? If your selfies are going glam without filters, lock every window. Trust us: followers aren’t worth this particular price.


Know of lore that can tell our readers whether they may have been chomped on by something sinister? Tell us in the comments below!




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