Won’t somebody please think of the little monsters? These 7 famous horror movie dads definitely did…no matter what the cost.
We’re sure your own dad is amazing. But just for a moment, indulge us and admit it: you wish your parents would go this distance for you. To all the dads out there: Happy Father’s Day…and stay your own semi-demented selves, always. We love ya!
1. Andrew McGee from Firestarter (1984)
Are you kidding? My dad wouldn’t let me turn the heat up past 65 or flush until it was more than yellow. This spoiled brat gets to set fire to stuff. Right behind her is Andy, possibly the most permissive dad in Hollywood horror history. Great dads…they’re hot. (Thanks, Stephen King, for writing the book behind this hotheaded romp.)
A little house in the ‘burbs, an incredibly hot wife, some pot…what more could any dad ask for? Unfortunately, what Steve gets in Poltergeist is an absolute shit-show, and it’s not because he’s got a teenager and a tween. Instead, it’s the adorbs little baby girl who causes all the trouble. Come on, Steve…what have the experts said over and over again about not letting kids watch too much TV?
3. Richard Thorn from The Omen II (1978)
Richard is so sweet on poor orphaned Damien that he makes room in the family fortune to raise the little devil. Never mind that Richard’s nefarious nephew killed his (Richard’s) brother; Richard sets Damien up to inherit a lot of actual-heir Mark’s money. Billions of bucks, do whatever your evil heart desires…where do I sign?
4. Philip from Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Stepfathers get all the grief and none of the credit. (In Shaun of the Dead, Philip doesn’t even get a last name. Now that’s cold.) Shaun acts like a petulant teen in Philip’s presence, but at the last moment this super stepdad tells Shaun, “I always loved you.” Don’t worry. Shaun cries a little. Just before he locks Phil in the car and leaves him to die. (Didn’t we tell you stepdads have it bad?)
5. Lee Abbott from A Quiet Place (2018)
You really can’t fault this fleeing father for telling his kids to shut up. This time there’s a twist: he isn’t trying to listen to CNN or sleep past 5 AM, he’s trying to not get everyone’s ass grassed. Between lying optimistically to his pregnant wife, soothing his scardey-cat son and trying to get his guilt-ridden daughter to hear, this dad always puts himself last. We won’t give an actual spoiler…wait, we pretty much just did.
6. Gabe Wilson from Us (2019)
Boy please, my dad ditched my graduation, blaming it on bone spurs. This dad runs on a broken leg to keep his family from being hacked to pieces – even when they seem to be doing just fine on their own. From start to finish, Gabe is one loyal dude, even putting up with a wife who’s pretty darned two-faced. Gabe…we see you.
Yeah, I remember guilting my dad into things too. After accidentally letting his son die in a gruesome accident, Louis does what any loving dad would do: performs some evil voodoo to bring the kid back. A father’s love is like no other – bet he wouldn’t have done the same for his chilly wife. Oh…wait. By the way, this is Stephen King again. Our hats (and probably heads) are off to you, o master of the macabre.
We hope you enjoyed this sentimental journey of fatherhood, fear and just general fukt-upedness. Now…are you done yet? You’re going to go blind reading in the dark like that. Put that darned Kindle away – no lip from you, buster, or I’ll give you something to really cry about. And shut off the hall light. We don’t own the electric company.
Happy Father’s Day!